Rare gathering to honour Seaton

It is a measure of the esteem in which University Secretary Bob Seaton is universally held, that no less than three Vice Chancellors as well as the University Chancellor and the Chairman of the Court were among the 70 special guests who gathered to pay tribute to him and his wife Jennifer at a retiral dinner in the Ustinov Room.

The man who has served under three chancellors, six chairmen of court and five principals; has officiated at nearly 170 Courts and Senates; convened innumerable meetings and signed some 50,000 diplomas over his 28 years in office was warmly honoured by colleagues as "the supreme example of the best type of university registrar".

They spoke of his wisdom, his kindness, his discretion and loyalty and his clear sense of what is right.

Chancellor Sir James Black referred to Bob Seaton as "this quiet man with a huge moral dimension" and to his role as "a great catalyst in events".

Past Principal and Vice Chancellor Professor Michael Hamlin spoke of his great affection for Bob and Jennifer over many years. "I doubt if it were possible to have five such different Principals as Jim Drever, Adam Neville, myself, Ian Graham Bryce and - although we have just met, Alan Langlands, all with different ideas, different agendas, different ambitions and different ways of working. But Bob has worked with each of us to the advantage of the University and seen it grow from a small offshoot of St Andrews to its present position - a force to be reckoned with in higher education not only in Scotland but on a much wider canvas. I suspect that all of us have enjoyed a valued friendship with a remarkable man and that is probably the greatest compliment we can pay him."

Past Principal and Vice Chancellor Dr Ian Graham-Bryce spoke of his "high debt of gratitude for Bob's immense service to this university and to higher education in Scotland". He referred to his meticulous notes in miniscule handwriting. "One of the first things I learned was to listen very carefully to what Bob had to say…The only piece of useless advice he ever gave me was at a time I was complaining about signing a vast pile of graduation certificates. His suggestion? Get a shorter name!"

Present Principal Sir Alan Langlands valued Bob's wise counsel and his humour and referred to the references given on Bob's appointment in 1973: "You are on to a very good thing indeed- in addition he has a very attractive wife!"

Comparing him with Figaro in the Barber of Seville, "the best fixer in the trade" Chairman of Court Larry Rolland presented Bob and Jennifer with an original painting of Arran - where they have a holiday home - by up and coming talent Robert Innes from Fife.

Master of the memorable memo

The trendy mutton chops of the 70s may have discreetly ebbed away and the hair colour has undoubtedly evolved to a distinguished pewter but otherwise little of Bob Seaton has outwardly changed in his 28 years as secretary. Indeed he could - out of hearing - be described as the Peter Pan of the university secretariat. In writing this I am no doubt laying myself open to receiving one of his famously worded memos - perhaps the last. Which would surely in itself carry a certain cachet? Or even collectors' value?

Some of the more classic "biters" included:

To a parting member of staff : "It was very nice to get your card this week with its generous comments. I am sure you did not always feel so appreciative of our services..."

"You seem to have an uncanny ability to upset my staff..."

"I have to add that I take a dim view of my secretarial staff being harangued by telephone in the way that has occurred this week. You can rant and swear at me but I would prefer my staff not to be subjected to such treatment."

Then there were the "quirkies" such as:

"I need a victim and it is, I think, you. Could you draft a..."

"The attached report occupied me for a significant part of my London-Dundee rail journey (roughly Doncaster to Darlington)..."

"It was kind of you to offer me tickets for the Graduation Ball next week. Unfortunately I am old and grey and will no doubt be too tired by the end of next week to attend such an event..."

Noisy cutlery in the Chaplaincy Coffee Bar, speech timekeeping at graduation, collapsing chairs, children and pets on campus, the use of an office radio (banned!)... there is almost nothing that has not at some stage been the subject of a Seaton memo. A classic perennial is car parking from which we select one "squasher":

"Although we have still to finalise how the parking facilities are to be managed, I am clear that we shall not be allocating spaces or authority to park to persons such as yourself. I fear you will have to get fit by walking between your various places of work as other split people have to do..."

A meticulous minute writer with a Jodrell Bank capacity for spotting the missing apostrophe, he once sent a rare circular to all staff of the secretariat instructing them on the correct usage of "its" as opposed to "it's". On another occasion commenting on the wording of an important "heads of agreement" document he wrote succinctly "There are also far too many commas for my liking..."

To say "you could write it on the back of a postage stamp" is generally used a as classic put down. For Bob it was a challenge. Coupling a rigorously thrifty instinct with his miniscule handwriting he could cram War and Peace onto an economy-size post-it - with action points.

Now his decades long campaign to reunite the split infinitive awaits another champion to boldly go.

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